Memories

These are hanging in my parents front entrance along with pictures and things from my brothers missions. I had almost forgotten about these and how cool they are. It has been a long time since I was on my mission. And one thing that I have found out recently, was a family that Nelson and I taught 16 years ago is still active and strong in the church. Makes you happy to think that you had an influence in someones life.
I am pretty sure I picked these lace pieces up at the Lace Factory in Nottingham. They are so cool.
And this one.... A dish towel basically... but they are cool... I really like the picture of me in this one.. I wish I knew where those are.. One of the elders took those of me while in England.. they turned out pretty well. ok, oops it is in the second one....

Anyway, I have a lot of time at work to just do nothing..... I don't like it, but I get paid to do nothing.... So in other words, I have a lot of time to think. Recently I have reconnected with tons of people from my mission and a ton of people from my school days. The Internet is a wonderful thing for that. I don't always like having so much time to think, but it is good to think about things that are good in the world or in my life. I have a tendency to fall onto the negative and I was talking to Kyrk today and he made some great comments. If I don't feel I am good enough, look at the situation in which I don't feel I'm good enough for and evaluate what kind of situation it is. That was a good one. I have doubts sometimes about my being good enough for things and as I put this too the test..... why wouldn't you know that I shouldn't have been there anyway!!! What a smart little brother I have..

This week is going fast.. I found out which ward I am in. They split them last week and so Sunday was the first time in the ward I am in. It is a good feeling to know where I am suppose to be. Haven't really met anyone yet, but that takes time. And when you ditch out the back as soon as the last "amen" is said, you can't meet many people that way :)....

I am really excited to be laid off from DHL.. Is that funny? I am excited to not have a job. It is so hard to want to go to work when there is nothing there for you. But as my room mate reminds me, it is a pay check. Dang her.. sometimes she is so smart.... :) I don't have long in school and I am excited for that. There are so many opportunities out there in the world for me. I just have to go and find them. Oh yeah, and I have to learn patience. I thought that I had some... forget it... I don't have very much... ok, for some stuff I have tons, but for things I want, I have absolutely none!!!!! One day....

Good night.

Mental Issues

Ok, for those of you who are already thinking that I have mental problems that are not able to be helped..... you are right.. but those are not what this is about!!!!

My mental issues today are... well first a good one.. I have 131 days left until I am done with school. And if i make it through this class that I am in... I will be so glad... It is not that it is hard, but there is no text and that is a weird thing.. I guess it is to make me learn more.

The other ones are just continued struggles.. I have to fight every day to not get discouraged and it is starting to weigh on my mind. The things I want are right there, but I can not reach them and the things that I had are right there and no matter how hard I reach for those, they are just out of my reach. And sometimes that is a good thing. I need to move forward and some days it is so hard. Today is one of those days.

I know my blog posts should be enlightening and about things that I have been doing in my life, but right now.. I am fighting and sometimes I just need to share it with my friends. :)

Struggles

Did you know, that just because you make a decision it does not mean that it will be easy. I know that the decisions that I have made are the right ones and I know that is where I want to be, but with everything else going on in my life right now, it is sometimes tough to keep a positive outlook on things. But, I have a great room mate and we are in this together.. well the worldly part of it anyway. Both of us will be out of a job soon and the one that I had lined up, the company put on a hiring freeze. So, now, we will both be looking. But, even though Danni is not a member, we have both said to the other that our lives are in the Lords hands and as long as we do our part, then everything will be ok. It is really interesting to have a room mate who thinks like you do, but has never been involved in the same church as you. We talk a lot about religion and we do have a lot in common. Whether or not she will ever follow me into the church, I do not know. I am not the one to force anything on any one. But maybe through my example..... Anyway... life is a struggle and it takes a lot of faith to not get discouraged at the things that are happening.

MY HEART IS FULL

Ok, for those of you who have known me for the past several years, SIT DOWN NOW!!! Mom, that means you. I have some things I want to say and some of you might be a little shocked.
First of all, it was only like 60 here today.. and tonight when I had to work, I wore a sweatshirt!!! Just wanted to share that with all of you. And Erika, come on down. I will make room.

Ok now.... ready.....

My life has been all kinds of crazy the past few months. I moved to Houston for two reasons. One was a job... the usual.. the second was to find out just what I wanted and who I was. Well when I first got here, I went to church for about a month. And no, I didn't tell any of you.. Ok Kyrk, I did talk to him. But then Austin moved down and I went back to what I had done for the past 12 or 13 or 14 years... I don't remember... Then for the past 8 months, I have been doing what I want like normal. I have learned a lot and I have struggled a lot. And no, I didn't tell anyone. Ok, well Kyrk.. Sorry everyone else but Kyrk and I have become so close again and I love him. He has been my rock lately and I needed that. For those of you who don't know him.. that is my brother. One of them. Anyway... during Christmas this year, I went through something that just about tore my heart out. and NO!! I am not going to share that with you. But, my Christmas and new years really kind of sucked in a way. But now that I look at it, it really didn't. What i had to go through I don't wish on anyone, but I needed to go through it. My heart is full because of what I have learned in the past 2 weeks. And more importantly, what I have learned today.

Today, I went to church. Not because anyone told me to. Not because I felt like it, I went to church because I wanted to be there. I have done a lot of soul searching and I have come to realize that I am not where I want to be. Or where I need to be. I have been inactive from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for about 14 years..... I have gone a couple of times, but not really. I have been through a lot in those 14 years... things I don't wish on anyone, and things I needed to learn. Today I went to church, it ended up being the wrong ward mind you, but I firmly believe that my Father in Heaven sent me to that ward today. The talks today were on Coming unto Christ and I do believe that everyone of those men that spoke looked right at me the whole time. I cried in the second verse of the opening song. I cried during the sacrament song. The high councilman that was present, I think he wore a hole in me, cause I know he was staring at me the whole time. I learned something today. As sacrament got over, I had decided to go home... I left the building and got about 300 yards away and turned around and went back. I asked a member of the bishopric if I could have a blessing. Now mind you, I have always believed, but more for others than for myself. Today, I believe for myself. I asked a complete stranger for a blessing. He got the missionaries to help him, and I know that blessing was from my Father in Heaven. He spoke to me through this man I don't even remember his name, and told me He loved me. You all have no idea how much I needed to hear that. And that my friends and family is why my heart is full!!!

Hello

Hey everyone.. I know "where the mailto:h!@^^ have I been.." Well, let me answer that..



Nah I decided not to... I will post here again soon. The holidays are over and it is time to start a new year. I just wanted to say hi to everyone and let you all know that I am still alive and kicking and it was 78 degrees here today...



Love ya.